here's what is holding me back....

it's desperately wanting to not be a failure at dance. if i decide to "be" something else, suddenly i'm not a dancer, and i have failed. and that feels unbearable. it is silly. and i am so damn stubborn about it. i envy my former schoolmates who are on broadway or in companies....anyone who is dancing as their main profession. even though i'm not dancing right now, i can still say that i am a dancer...basically because i'm not really anything else. i don't identify with being a nanny, that's for sure. sigh. i know it is possible to "be" something else, and still dance....but it still looks the same in my eyes; for me. and honestly, i will never be what i envy. and the struggle totally isn't worth it.
when i am finally ready to move on, it will probably be in this direction....