just got home from the silent retreat

it was horrible.
i mean, it was amazing and tranformative, but a million times harder than i thought being alone with one's self would be. i had a panic attack my first night. we had so much *time*. i hated being with myself like that.
no distractions.
out of 16 people, turns out i was the emotional one. the one that broke down twice. the one that choked and coughed in front of everyone from crying.
i am very sensitive today.

what i will try to do is be present and with myself more on a daily basis. make space for all the uncomfortable feelings (hard!) and turn to look at my monsters, and ask them why they're chasing me.